


I want you to love me.

by itsnotlove



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Break Up, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Very ooc honesTLY, so cliche it hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 02:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7873228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotlove/pseuds/itsnotlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo needs to break up with Izaya, even though that's the one thing he absolutely doesn't want to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I want you to love me.

As Shizuo approached Izaya’s building, he fought the urge to change his mind. His footsteps felt heavy, as did whatever was threatening to crawl up his throat, but he knew he couldn’t let this go.

 

As of today, he and Izaya had been dating for exactly three years. They hadn’t been three peaceful years, but they’d been amazing nonetheless. For the first time he could remember, Shizuo had actually felt happy, almost calm, and had started to look forward to each day instead of dreading it.

 

But it was obvious to him now that Izaya didn’t feel the same way.

 

How could he, when he not only forgot each and every occasion special to them (bar his  _ own  _ birthday, of course), but never seemed all that apologetic for it? Sure, Shizuo  _ might  _ go a  _ little  _ overboard when it came to celebrations and gifts (which surprised no one more than himself), but he knew that and had never expected anything of the same level in return from Izaya.

 

But couldn’t the guy at least acknowledge him? Remember his birthday and send a text? Maybe just… say that he meant something?

 

As he thumbed the call button for the elevator, Shizuo tried to think of any reason why he should stay with Izaya. The louse didn’t seem to hate being with him, which, though a plus, wasn’t exactly enough now. He never said anything about how he felt, never lifted a finger to help Shizuo with all the emotional heavy lifting that came along with their relationship.

 

God, didn’t he realise it was hard for Shizuo as well? It was embarrassing enough to admit he was in love with Izaya, but it was  _ humiliating  _ to never hear that it was mutual.

 

The doors to the elevator slid open, and Shizuo stepped slowly inside.

 

There had to be something. 

 

There had to be something Izaya had said or done in the past three years that could prove Shizuo wasn’t in this alone.

 

As the elevator ascended, Shizuo searched his memories.

 

Something more than a look.

 

Something more than an excuse.

 

Something that-

 

_ Ding. _

 

The doors slid open and Shizuo stepped out.

 

There wasn’t anything, was there?

 

He kept his eyes to the floor as he walked toward Izaya’s apartment, his movements sluggish.

 

He didn’t want to do this, but the respect he had for himself (which was likely thanks to his relationship with Izaya) compelled him to do so.

 

If Izaya didn’t remember this time, then he’d do it.

 

He’d break up with him.

 

The door was already unlocked, and Shizuo figured that Izaya must have seen him on the camera feed. It was always unlocked when he visited, which is why he’d never been given (or asked for) a key.

 

His hand shook slightly as he opened the door, and he took a deep breath. If Izaya didn’t remember today, then he’d really do it.

 

“Hey.” Mumbling as he opened the door, Shizuo fought to keep his voice normal. He’d never been very good at lying, but he needed to act like nothing was wrong. He closed the door quietly behind him and slipped off his shoes, then kept his eyes on literally anything other than his boyfriend.

 

“Shizu-chan, I didn’t realise you were coming here today.” Izaya put down his book and snuggled further into the couch. “What’s the occasion?”

 

Ah.

 

There it is.

 

He’d forgotten.

 

He’d forgotten Shizuo again, on their anniversary.

 

As much as he knew he should, Shizuo couldn’t seem to look at Izaya. If he did, he’d never be able to go through with this. 

 

“I’m...” He cleared his throat and shoved both hands into his pockets, unsure as to how he should phrase the next part of his sentence. “...breaking up. With you, I mean. Us.”

 

Any reaction Izaya might have had was lost on Shizuo, who was now staring at his feet with such intensity that they threatened to burst into flame. He felt as though he were underwater, his limbs feeling too large and too heavy, and his lungs unable to take a solid breath.

 

He didn’t want this. He wanted Izaya.

 

He wanted to keep loving Izaya.

 

He wanted Izaya to love him.

 

“Shizu-chan, are you re-”

 

“Yeah. I am.” He swallowed several times and clenched his fists. “I can’t do this. I can’t do us.”

 

He heard Izaya stand, his light steps echoing loudly throughout his head. Shizuo loved those footsteps, as crazy as it sounded, and wondered if this would be the last time he’d hear them approaching him.

 

No, he didn’t want this! He didn’t want to break up! Could he love him enough for the both of them? Could he-

 

Something cool touched his cheek, making Shizuo flinch enough to look up. A mistake, he realised, as Izaya’s face was far too close, and he scrunched his eyes closed tightly. 

 

Izaya’s fingers brushed against his cheek as though they were in search of something, then moved further down to prop Shizuo’s chin up. Both of them knew that it wouldn’t be enough to keep his face there, but Shizuo didn’t move away regardless.

 

“Shizuo.”

 

Shizuo’s heart beat so quickly that it hurt, and his nails dug more deeply into his palms. He couldn’t open his eyes, he couldn’t look at Izaya.

 

“You can’t break up with me today.”

 

Assuming that the tremor in Izaya’s voice was imagined, Shizuo kept his eyes closed still. “Why?”

 

Izaya laughed, but the sound just about broke Shizuo’s heart. It was totally devoid of joy, and he wondered how laughter could ever sound so sad. “Don’t you know what today is? It’s tacky to break up with someone  _ and  _ forget your anniversa-”

 

Shizuo’s eyes flew open, his expression falling into one of confusion. He searched Izaya’s face, looking for any clue that this was some sort of game. “You remembered? Why?!”

 

It seemed as though it was Izaya’s turn to be confused, with his eyes widening slightly and his forehead creasing. “I always remember.”

 

“No, no you don't. You never remember!”

 

“Shizu-chan, I  _ always _ remember. It isn't  _ my  _ fault that you always beat me to it.”

 

Shizuo took a step backward, and the vein in in his forehead started to throb. How could Izaya lie like this, and so well? 

 

“No, you don't! Last year I waited all day!”

 

Izaya looked at the ground and mumbled something, but Shizuo didn't care to hear it. Did he really still hate Shizuo? Was that why he was lying? Did he think he was an idiot?!

 

“I thought you'd… You'd changed. Around me, at least.” Shizuo’s voice shook, the edges sounding a little higher than they might have usually. “But you're still  _ lying. _ ”

 

The accusation hit Izaya hard enough to make him take a step to catch himself, and he threw a cold glare at Shizuo.

 

“Are you an idiot?! Do you think I'd let you into my bed if-” Whatever Izaya was about to say was swallowed by the look on Shizuo’s face, and he took another step backward. “Check my top desk drawer.”

 

“Why shoul-”

 

“Check it.” Izaya repeated, this time with more force. Shizuo eyed him warily before deciding to do as he was instructed, having decided that he had nothing left to lose.

 

He stormed past Izaya and to his desk, angrily ripping the first drawer out totally. The force of it as enough to spill it's paper contents over the floor, and Shizuo leaned down to pick one up.

 

His hands shook as he read what was scrawled on it, and he picked up another.

 

And another.

 

“What is… are…”

 

“I wrote the dates on them. I have camera footage that's date stamped if you want to check.”

 

Sure enough, each note had the time and date written at the top, which corresponded with three years of birthdays, White Days, Christmas's, and anniversaries. It was too elaborate to be a lie, and Shizuo felt his heart pound as he read the words over and over.

 

_ I hate that I love you. But I think I've always loved you. _

 

_ Shizu-chan, I love you. _

 

_ I love you, Shizuo. _

 

“If the footage isn't enough, have Shinra check the age of the ink. He could probabl-”

 

“I trust you, Izaya.” Shizuo turned to face him, his heart feeling as though it might burst. Something stung at his eyes, but he managed to hold himself together. “I love you, Izaya.”

A faint pink dusted Izaya’s far, and his mouth opened and closed soundlessly several times. Unsure of how to react, he mumbled something that resembled an insult and turned himself around, then sprinted (and stumbled) off toward the stairs, leaving a beaming Shizuo in his wake.

  
Shizuo collapsed into Izaya’s desk chair, then spun himself around several times. He'd catch him soon, but first, he needed to read the rest of these letters.

**Author's Note:**

> Well! This is my very ooc indulgence fic! Hahaha. I hope you all liked it! <3 thank you for reading!


End file.
